So I want to write about it on here.

So I sit down to do it.

Stare at the screen.

And realise it's pointless to do it because it doesn't really make me feel better. No one reads it. No one cares. I don't care.

Life is harsh. Fuck it.

Epic. Even if you don't play World of Warcraft. So funny. XD

I mean, I KNOW it's an old POS, but god damn it. it needs to slow its roll on things breaking on it.

Damn it. :C

One tire cost me $99.89, but the guy gave me a discount and brought it down to 88-something because I threw a small BF at the register. XD I was all "My car is fucking OLD, I don't WANT nice tires for the POS. Fuck, I need to just start WALKING, this is fucking ridiculous." Lol xD He was just like o-o;;; the whole time. XD Poor guy.

But seriously... 100$ for a tire for a 93 Buick Regal? Really? I don't fucking think so. If I didn't need that tire so damned bad, I would have SO shopped around for the cheapest tires. Seriously. :C Unfortunately the stupid tire was falling appart, soooooo it was inevitible. :C

I swear, if it weren't for Robin letting us stay here, we'd be so god damned fucked. SOOOO FUCKED.

At least that's one good thing in my life thus far. :C

Well, that and a few other things. <3 <3

It was a great game! Me and TJ loved to play it together! Alot like Halo though it was a little less of a story and more run around and shoot things. The lady talking to you the whole game has a kind of Cortana feel, so it's all very familiar. And the fact that things drop from people you kill is awesomely amusing. They just explode with goodies!

However, we just played for the last three or four hours. And finished the game. All the sidequests and everything. We had it a whole week so thats not bad or anything. It was a ncie long game! Don't get me wrong.

But the ending...
Oh the ending...

It was so anticlimactic!

Yeah! You killed the vault monster! Congrats!

But...

You can't open the vault for 200 more years.. so... just sell the key to this one chick thats been researching the vault for several years.

No, you can't see whats inside. But sell the key so someone else can in 200 years.

Fuuuuck Thaaat Shiiiit! What the hell!! I'd just fucking burry the key and pass the knowldge of its location down through the generations so someone could prosper.

So yeah, awesome game. Shitty ending. :C

But I'd totally play it again. XD

And probably will!

A
- Available: Nope (:
- Age: 24 in... omg 3 days!
- Annoyance: rude people
- Animal: Cats

B
- Beer: is ICKY
- Birthday: October 20th
- Best Friend: Sky, Lorena, Heather, TJ. <3
- Blind or Deaf: Deaf. At least I could still read.
- Best weather: Spring or Fall
- Been in Love: Am currently.
- Believe in Magic: Yes
- Believe in Santa: Sure?

C
- Candy: Reeces Pieces
- Color: is beautiful
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla
- Chinese/Mexican Food: I can't choose! They're both nomalicious
- Cake or pie: Depends on the type...
- Continent to visit: Europe for sure
- Cheese: Provalone

D
- Day or Night: Both are good for diffrent things. It just depends
- Dancing in the rain: is fun as long as you don't get sick afterwords.

E
- Eyes: are gorgeous
- Everyone's got: Skin
- Ever failed a class: Yes but it was kinda voluntary. I hated Spanish so much. >.<

F
- First thoughts waking up: I've gotta peeeeee~
- Greatest Fear: Loosing my mom or TJ
- Goals: Owning a business with TJ and Sky in NY
- Gum: is ok, I don't chew it often though.

H
- Hair Color: Brown and red
- Height: 5' 4"
- Happy: 80% of the time
- Holiday: Halloween
- How do you want to die: Doing something important

I
- Ice Cream: Rob and Deb's Orange Cream Swirl
- Instrument: All of them are wonderful, especially the unconventional ones.

J
- Jewelry: is something I own alot of and love
- Job: I'll have one eventually. :C

K
- Kids: are annoying little spoiled brats 90% of the time.
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing
- Keep a journal: ..... Psh. This is only LiveJOURNAL. Of COURSE NOT

L
- Love: is possible for everyone at some point.
- Laughed so hard you cried: As much as possible. My friends help with that all the time.

M
- Milk flavor: Vanilla or Strawberry
- Movies: are lots of fun to watch
- Motion sickness: Not really, unless I'm in a car trying to read. Then it's headache and barf city
- McD’s or BK: Neither is all that amazing... I like KFC

N
- Number: 37498750394723865410298876425 Theres one for you.

O
- One wish: That everyone I know and love are happy for the rest of their lives.

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Coke; I can't drink Pepsi anymore.
- Perfect Pizza: Thin crust pepperoni and mushroom
- Piercings: Ears tongue and lip

Q
- Quail: is something my daddie made stews out of ALL the time. Its delicious

R
- Reality T.V.: can be amusing sometimes
- Radio Station: is something I don't listen to anymore. I have my phone which has all the music I want on it.
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Can do, even with the tongue ring in the way
- Ring size: 9

S
- Song: Anything by Owl City or Imogen Heap, please. <3
- Shoe size: Depends. Usuially its 10 or 11.
- Salad Dressing: The kind they have at Haiku and Atami. Mmmm delicious. <3
- Sushi: is amazing and I could eat it every day and be content.
- Shower: Makes you smell nummy. <3
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Blueberries in cream and sugar. Mmmm

T
- Tattoos: I want four, I have none. Soon I hope! It'll be my present to me for working at Sanderson Farms.
- Time for bed: When I get sleepy
- Thunderstorms: sound look and smell amazing

U
- Unpredictable: is something I can definatly be sometimes to the dismay of friends and family

V
- Vacation spot(s): England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Japan, China, Philipines, Hawaii, Phi Phi Island, Bahamas, Upstate NY, Alaska... I could keep going I'm sure.

W
- Weakness: Hugs
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: All of them. XD
- Worst feeling: guilt
- Worst Weather: Tornados

X
- X-Rays: Teeth and right leg

Y
-Year it is now: 2009.
-Yellow: reminds me of Bananas.

Z
- Zoo animal: Otters, Jaguars, Lions, Tigers, Spectacled Bears OH MY! XD

Its been two years and five days since I moved back to Texas from New York.

I was happy when I moved back, because my mom was here and I got to see and spend time with her again.

But slowly over the past two years, I think in a very small way I've come to resent her for "making me" move back down here.

I was so happy in NY. All my friends, the country is beautiful. Even the fucking snow.

I miss it so much it almost physically hurts.

I can feel my heart bleeding from being ripped into two parts.. Half here with my wonderful mom who of course I love to tiny small little pieces... the other half in Upstate New York with my friends and mainly... With Sky.

There are days where I'll be going through my pictures of the time I spent up there... I was always smiling in all the pictures, always happy and goofy.

Sure in the pictures down here I'm smiling, even goofy sometimes... but it's an act.

I've been puting on this show for two years and I think I'm slowly wearing down... I hurt so much. I need to go back.

But it won't be the same I know it won't. I'll still hurt.

Because I can't be in two places at once.. And I think it might be killing me.

If it doesn't.. well... I might do it myself.

I don't want sympathy. I don't want comments. I don't even care if anyone reads this. I just needed to cry onto paper instead of to my cats for once.

Please forgive me for hurting.

I didn't want to.

I'm watching TLC. Say Yes to the Dress is on. And guess what...?

I'm bawling my eyes out.

I miss TJ, I'm tired of being at home alone with the cats. I need a job so I'm occupied with something else.

I want to get married. I want a pretty dress. I want to look beautiful.

It'll never happen.

I'm going to go to the courthouse infront of a judge in jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers on, TJ in his jeans and ill-fitting clothes, and he'll say 'sign this' and we will, and that will be the end of it.

TJ would say 'Don't worry about it, we'll have a wedding.', but I know where we are in the financial area. I try to ignore it, I try to forget about it, but I know we're deep in the hole and there currently is no hope. There will be no hope for a long time.

I just want to be a princess for one day.

Mythical Being Creature


( GOGO MEME POWER! )

So yeah, nothing intresting going on with me. Found an appartment me and TJ and Lorena like, and if sky doesn't show up, it'll work out. And if he does, it'll still work out. ^^ Things are looking up!

Not to mention I put in an application to Earth Art yesterday. It's exciting. I probably won't get it but I can hope! :D

LESS THAN A MONTH TILL SKY IS HERE! LK:SJHDLKSGLAKJSAS I'M SO EXCITED! :D

So I don't get to work Ren Faire this year.

Wasn't put on the schedule.

I'm backup now incase someone decides to call in

Fuck that.

But you know who DOES get to go?

Heather.

The person I brought in.

Makes perfect sense doesn't it? Hire on the person that you're not sure if is even going to work out.

Fuck the person that worked out fine last year.

Fuck... that... shit.

yeah Im pissed.
Why shouldn't I be?

Its whatever.

It would've been nice, but its not really all that big of a deal I guess.

Specially not to anyone else.

Because apparently

I can't remember to make this a private entry.

For my eyes only.

My mistake.

And it cost me.

Big time.

I'm sorry. :C

So, apparently my friends enjoy disreguarding my feelings.

Its a pastime for them.

But I'm not going to rant about it on here, I've told the people that still matter.

Kitty TJ and Heather. Lorena is next.

No one else matters anymore.

Thanks to the two other friends, my heart is broken. Someday it'll be fixed, no thanks to them.

Thanks for ruining my birthday. Thanks so fucking much.

Go die in a motherfucking god damned flesh eating fire. Better yet, never die. Just suffer for all eternity.

..every time I think about him.

My best friend in the world came to visit me Thursday, and I was so exceedingly blissful. So happy it was sickening. We hung out, went swimming, just pretended he'd be here forever.

Friday was even better, woke up went to work, came back and enjoyed time with Sky Heather TJ Lorena, ate food, drank a few shots of all kinds of things including Everclear, then went out to Poets after droping by to see Beth and let her know where we were going so she could meet us there. Drank like crazy and got wasted. Sky drove home and we all went to sleep at my house except for Lorena (who'd left the bar earlier that night since she had work at 6am) and Heather (who also had work at 7am).

Saturday came around and it was TJ me and Sky all alone, enjoying being together again, the terrible three, wreaking havoc wherever we went! Grand Station, to see Beth, and to the mall. Went back home and hung out while TJ napped, watching lots of FailBlog.org, it was blissfully awesome. But it slowly became obvious that we had to leave at like 2:30 or 3am to get him back to Austin Airport in time.

3am comes quick when you don't want it to.

I napped with Sky, snuggled him till he almost had to push me off so he could repack, and suprisingly stayed happy nearly the whole time.

As soon as I got in the car, though, I became mt emotionally cut off self, unable to look at Sky, talk to him or anyone, or smile at all. I drove in nearly complete silence, half falling asleep on the way, and crying silently too.

Eventually we got there at about 4:45am and got out of the car. He checked his luggage in and we stood for a minute, him trying to hug me and me being too upset and cut off to actually hug him back. So we sat down to wait till about 5:45 when he decided to go through security to get to his terminal. I got up my nerve to hug him goodbye, telling myself I wouldn't cry.

What a falure.

I cried so hard while I clung to him, I was shaking like a leaf while TJ and Beth watched. I felt so fucking awkward and dumb clinging and crying, but there I was in the middle of the airport, people passing us and staring at me (how RUDE!). So he went into the line for security, looking so unhappy and looking back at us every turn in the little maze they make you go through and breaking my heart with every step.

It was just as hard watching him walk away from me as when TJ was leaving me to go back to NY too.

When we got home, Beth crashed on the couch because it was 8am, and me and TJ went upstairs and I cried for another thirty minutes before finially falling asleep untill about three this afternoon.

And I'm still so raw and broken over it. I want to move back to NY.. but I can't leave my mom here alone. I have to stay and just hope Sky gets to visit more often than every two years, or that I get to go back more often that once every three or four years.

Maybe that'll be enough to keep me happy.

Probably not.

I want my Sky back.

I found this highly amusing and so I thought I'd share.

IN SUPPORT OF GAY MARRIAGE


1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...


Makes perfect sence doesn't it? I nearly died laughing as I read this. :D Enjoy! Or don't! Just don't tell me if you hated it. XD

So I'm going to shove this down everyone's throat because it's super insanely cute.

Watch it!

GOGOSPEEDRACER!











*Thank you Aiden for being an awesome teacher! <3<3<333*

Today was an okay day at work and stuff, except I opened with Shintomo, and that means waking up super early. :O But not so bad, just means extra money. :D Anyhoo, the only bad thing that happened was first thing when I walked in, I realised there was a cake laying around that hadn't been picked up. This happens now and then no big deal, but there was a note attached to the box, so I wander over while Shintomo is unlocking the door to the back and read the note. This is what it said.



This was written by the assistant manager and it kinda upset me. It seems extremly unprofessional and rude a few times. Yes, -I- had done this cake, and yes I'm not all that fantastic yet and probably never will be... but it wasn't terrible. I did mess up on the name at first so I had to scrape off the icing and try again, thinking nothing of it. Most people don't complain as long as the name is right; a little extra icing isn't usuially a problem.

Anyhoo, in case you're wondering, this is what the cake looked like. You can see -some- remnants of the white icing around the name 'Gentry' where I had scraped as much as I could away.



If I didn't already have a complex about doing horribly on cakes, I'd certainly have one now. XD

John didn't really care, he said next time just cover the whole bottom in chocolate then write in white the name as usuial. (: But the truck doesn't look that horrible, I mean really... D: Whatever, Brittany is just an asshole sometimes and says the completly wrong thing. Good thing I probably won't be there much longer than Valentines.

Oh, and fuck LJ cuts. I'm lazy. XD

I've been so Blah all day! SO BLAH.

Waking up was blah, work was blah, being home is blah.

I know exactly why I feel this way, but I don't wanna talk about it over LJ. I need TJ home so I can rant to him.

Actually he's kinda part of the problem, the motherfucker. D: Needs to go to the hospital but he's at work instead. Dumbfuck. D:

Oh well, what good is LJ for if I can't rant on it. D: It's whatever, I'm a Libra, I'll get over it soon enough.

Or fucking explode in rage all over everyone and stop being a pushover bitch.



Probably not. Fucking Libra.

( MEME OF DEATH and longness.. )

Long meme is long. But it was fun! BTW I don't expect ANYONE to read all the way through it. XDDDD

Geez, it says six weeks since my last entry. XD I'm so effin lazy...

But I reply to almost everyones entries and I read them ALL. <3

Lets see, whats going on in the life of me....

OH!

I've found a new love... Repo! : The Genetic Opera! OMG I LOVES IT. If you like musicals, its the best thing evar, really. And it has Paris Hilton in it, but I didn't even know till about three days ago and was all 'lolwut?'. I didn't even recognise her. XD   I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD FIND IT AND DL IT AND LOVE IT LIKE ME. o-o

what else... Oh, work is okay... I'm probably going to leave the cookie place after Valentines and go to work at West; its a tech support place, and I'm sure I'll hate it, but w/e. I need more money. D:

Innoguration day should be a national holiday. Just sayin'.

SAN ANTONIO NEXT WEEKEND BBY. I'm so excited; I've never been there! We'll be walking alot so I hope it's not gonna be freeeeezing. I need to book the hotel room this weekend when TJ gets paid...

My tooth is bugging the crap out of me. I have an appointment to go to a dentist next week, but I don't think he'll do anything/I won't let him because they won't do a payment plan for me, they want all money up front. Ass. D: I has no dental insurance... fuck I have no insurance at all, dental or health. D: So I won't let them work on me and I'm taking my mom with me to talk to them cause shes better at talking to authority figures than I am, lol.

I'm such a fucking wuss. XD

I've nothing else to ramble about. >.> ILU all and stuff. xD

OGOD another meme!

Lets see how many people are actually gonna do it. I guess... two AT MOST. <3

Comments are screened because I DUN WANT MY PERSONAL BIZNEZ OUT THERE, YO. <3

(1 Points) What's my first name:
(1 Points) My last name:
(5 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(2 Points) Where do I live:
(2 Points) What color are my eyes:
(3 Points) Who am I in love with:
(2 Points) Where did we meet:
(3 Points) What am I afraid of:
(4 Points) Describe my taste in the opposite and/or same sex:
(2 Points) Do I smoke:
(3 Points) Do I drink/What do I drink:
(2 Points) +1 point for each name) How many siblings do I have:
(2 Points) +1 point for each name) How many pets do I have:
(4 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(3 Points) Who is/are my favorite person/people:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(3 Points) What do I eat on pizza:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(3 Points) Name someone I hate:
(5 Points) What are my parents' names:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(5 Points) What are my vices:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: